Generally the way they are responding to you is the way they have learned to respond to the world to keep themselves safe. You don’t have to stay around and you don’t have to invest, but if leaving the relationship isn’t an option, seeing someone’s behaviour for what it is – a defence against a world that has hurt them once too many times – will help to protect you from the pain that comes from taking things personally.ĭifficult people weren’t born that way. People will judge you, hurt you, put you down and try to break you – and most often, this will have nothing at all to do with you. Now remind yourself not to take it personally.Can we try and do things a little differently?’ I really want to have a good relationship with you but it’s really hard when I feel like everything I do is judged harshly by you. The more positive you can be the better: ‘Every time I see you, you’re pointing out something else you don’t like about me. If you need to point out something they’re doing wrong, end it by letting them know that the relationship is important to you and you want to work on it. (You might need to say it a few times!) Whatever you do, don’t blame. Let them know that you don’t mean anything personally, that you appreciate their point of view and that you want to understand how they feel. In response, the world walks away, confirming the insecure person’s view that the world just isn’t safe. They’ll be cold, they’ll judge, they’ll take the first strike – all to protect themselves. People who are insecure will often respond to the world as though it’s going to hurt them. Insecurity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is a relationship you care about, do whatever you can to help the other person feel safe and secure. Insecure people will feel attacked even when no attack is made. Insecurity is at the heart of a lot of broken relationships. Don’t let anyone else’s behaviour change who you are.īe dignified.Whether you’re on your way out or bracing for more, here are some ways to protect yourself from the ones who scrape you: When there’s a lifetime of emotional investment involved, it’s likely that any response will hurt and will require a huge push, whether it’s walking away or fighting for the relationship.Įven if you decide that the price of being in the relationship is too high, it’s not always easy to leave. You can’t live with them and you can’t make them join the circus. Love them or love them not, there’s often a limit to what you can do with the difficult ones.
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